Gerrard's Autobiography

[ArmchairDiehard]

Do people actually read footballer's 'autobigoraphies'?

I read sporting ones rather than just footballers.

The Simon Jordan one was pretty good actually.

 

[IanH]

I just like looking at the pictures.

On a more serious note, the biggest problem with most footballers' autobiographies is that they are written when the player is about 30, not even retired, and has done absolutely nothing interesting in their life outside the sport.

This means there's been no chance of real reflection from the player, they have no concept of most people's reality with which to tell their anecdotes, and are boring as fuck.

 

[rudebwoyben]

There's few things I'd have less inclination to read rather than a footballer's autobiography.

1. A Harry Potter Book
2. The bible

I can't think of any more at the moment.

So you'd rather read a Dan Brown novel or 50 Shades of Grey than a footballer's autobiography?

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

So you'd rather read a Dan Brown novel or 50 Shades of Grey than a footballer's autobiography?

I have read a Dan Brown novel and yes, I think I would rather read 50 Shades than a book about a bland footballer.

 

[merseyboyred]

Do people actually read footballer's 'autobigoraphies'?

Not really but there have been a couple of decent ones, El Macca was a decent read I thought a decade ago. They only seem to be worth giving a chance if it's more than just some 'superstar' doing PR.

 

[rudebwoyben]

I think the autobiographies of lesser well-known footballers are generally more interesting and better well-written. Actually, not even lesser well-known footballers - Tony Cascarino's is definitely worth a read.

 

[Christian Slater]

So you'd rather read a Dan Brown novel or 50 Shades of Grey than a footballer's autobiography?

What's wrong with Dan Brown? He's a clever writer.

 

[Pagnell]

What's wrong with Dan Brown? He's a clever writer.

Dan Brown is badly written, hyperbolic shite. It's always amazed me that someone with such little grasp of written English has managed to make so much money via the written word. I read the Da Vinci Code about ten years back to see what the fuss was about, and struggled to get to the end. I never did find out.

 

[JimJams]

The butler did it.

 

[Christian Slater]

Dan Brown is badly written, hyperbolic shite. It's always amazed me that someone with such little grasp of written English has managed to make so much money via the written word. I read the Da Vinci Code about ten years back to see what the fuss was about, and struggled to get to the end. I never did find out.

Explain how it's badly written. They are very well researched books and he writes thrillers exactly how they should be. His only fault appears to be his books got too mainstream. You van dislike his books, but it doesn't mean they're poorly written.

 

[Christian Slater]

No, they really are. The grammar and punctuation is appalling. He writes like an excited 14 year old.

What? You do realise these books are put through an editorial process? You don't have a clue what you're talking about and have incorrectly pointed to grammatical mistakes to argue against a novel that you don't like.

 

[merseyboyred]

Tbh it's an oft-repeated criticism of Brown from many sources, not just people who aren't a fan of his work. Even the title of articles, like this http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/may/16/dan-brown-inferno-plot-to-influence - "Dan Brown still can't write, but he deserves some respect" - clearly point it out. My tutors at university were also quite happy to explain just how poor he was stylistically too.

 

[Christian Slater]

Tbh it's an oft-repeated criticism of Brown from many sources, not just people who aren't a fan of his work. Even the title of articles, like this http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/may/16/dan-brown-inferno-plot-to-influence - "Dan Brown still can't write, but he deserves some respect" - clearly point it out. My tutors at university were also quite happy to explain just how poor he was stylistically too.

It's not academic quality and nobody would argue otherwise. Successful novels always come under scrutiny and are unfairly compared to classic tests to measure their standing. It's written exactly how a thriller should be, leaving the reader excited to read on after the end of each chapter. Pointing to grammatical mistakes or its lack of semantical metaphor is redundant because it isn't that novel.

Ulysses is a classic, but it's boring as fuck. Brown's books are based on moving the action along quickly while using historical facts to intertwine a fictional story.

Uni lecturers have a habit of sticking the boot into successful novelists by pointing to a lack of art in the text, it doesn't make them poorly written. It's like comparing Schindler's List to Carrie.

 

[JimJams]

Explain that last sentence.

 

[Christian Slater]

Explain that last sentence.

I should have written it the other way, as in it's like comparing Carrie to Shindler's List. Comparing a film that is produced for a specific genre and audience to a critically acclaimed classic. Both are good in their own way, but if you compared Carrie to Schindler's list, which nobody would, then Carrie would seem shit in comparison.

 

[Pagnell]

http://www.themillions.com/2014/01/...ing-in-the-margins-of-dan-browns-inferno.html

Worth a read for any Brown fan. Just because Brown's novels aren't meant to be 'classics', it doesn't mean he shouldn't be pulled up for shit writing. That's a stupid argument.

 

[JimJams]

...it's like comparing Carrie to Shindler's List...

If you'd have just said that in the first place it'd have saved me the confusion.

 

[Christian Slater]

So his stories are shit because he uses ellipsis to try to create dramatic pause. You'd then have to analyse whether that was a consistent pattern and not used sparingly.

Good to see you think for yourself. I could do a similar hatchet job on Moll Flanders.

 

[Pagnell]

So his stories are shit because he uses ellipsis to try to create dramatic pause. You'd then have to analyse whether that was a consistent pattern and not used sparingly.

Good to see you think for yourself. I could do a similar hatchet job on Moll Flanders.

Christ, someone's really upset by this. Are you actually Dan Brown in disguise?

And no, they're shit because his pacing is all over the shop, I find his prose formulaic and often embarrassing (should I really have spent so much time laughing whilst reading The Da Vinci Code?) and the 'facts' he bases his novels on are generally anything but. But if you like them, I'm happy for you. No need to get personal.

 

[JimJams]

I'm sure Big Dan will be crying himself to sleep on his blanket of million dollar bills! #danbrownmoneymayweatherbitches!

 

[lordofthepies]

I should have written it the other way, as in it's like comparing Carrie to Shindler's List. Comparing a film that is produced for a specific genre and audience to a critically acclaimed classic. Both are good in their own way, but if you compared Carrie to Schindler's list, which nobody would, then Carrie would seem shit in comparison.

Carrie is loads better than Schindler's List

 

[Christian Slater]

Christ, someone's really upset by this. Are you actually Dan Brown in disguise?

And no, they're shit because his pacing is all over the shop, I find his prose formulaic and often embarrassing (should I really have spent so much time laughing whilst reading The Da Vinci Code?) and the 'facts' he bases his novels on are generally anything but. But if you like them, I'm happy for you. No need to get personal.

"They're", yet you haven't completed one of his books. You're just going off what other people tell you, much like 50 Shades which I guarantee you've not read but slated on what other people think.

There are many classic books that can be equally picked apart semantically, grammatically, figuratively etc. The basis is how well that collectivley tells the story, and Brown moves his thrillers along very well, the pacing is actually perfect. You always learn a lot reading Brown's novels which I think is an important factor when reading something.

 

[Pagnell]

"They're", yet you haven't completed one of his books. You're just going off what other people tell you, much like 50 Shades which I guarantee you've not read but slated on what other people think.

There are many classic books that can be equally picked apart semantically, grammatically, figuratively etc. The basis is how well that collectivley tells the story, and Brown moves his thrillers along very well and they are interesting reads.

I read around 95% of The Da Vinci Code and most of Deception Point (which as a premise I quite liked BTW, if I could have gotten past the words). I simply don't like his writing. It's bad in my opinion. You're entirely free to disagree and have done so.

 

[lordofthepies]

Seriously, you read 95% of a book and didn't finish it?

 

[johnnytodd]

Seriously, you read 95% of a book and didn't finish it?

Liverpool were on TV i guess

 

[johnnytodd]

James and the Giant Peach gets my vote.

 

[Christian Slater]

I read around 95% of The Da Vinci Code and most of Deception Point (which as a premise I quite liked BTW, if I could have gotten past the words). I simply don't like his writing. It's bad in my opinion. You're entirely free to disagree and have done so.

They're not supposed to be beautifully written, they're fast paced thrillers. The eye is on the details and moving on, not poignant metaphors. It's the story that's important. Joespeh Conrad has written beautiful novels but you could argue they're not as interesting as Brown's.

 

[Pagnell]

Seriously, you read 95% of a book and didn't finish it?

I didn't actually intend to stop reading it if I remember rightly. Something better came along (I think it was Jedward's Autobiography) and I simply never finished it afterwards.

 

[johnnytodd]

Where i live you can beat up for carrying a book never mind reading one.

 

[lordofthepies]

I didn't actually intend to stop reading it if I remember rightly. Something better came along (I think it was Jedward's Autobiography) and I simply never finished it afterwards.

How was Jedward's book?