A man walks into a bar and orders a beer, then looks into his pocket.
He does this over and over again.
Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a beer and then looks into his pocket.
The man responded, " I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good, then i'll go home.
I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''