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1. Liverpool 2. Chelsea 3. Arsenal 4. City 5. Spurs 6. Palace 18. Leicester 19. Bournemouth 20. Manchester United

Dear god, this means his punditry career is about to begin.

Am I surprised by this result? The answer is no. 'Heads in the sand'chester United have proven once again that they're oblivious to how football really works. You see, throwing ridiculous amounts of money on washed up strikers don't make you a quality side, it makes you a desperate one, and...

Can't help but notice that Arsenal didn't score either.

Am I surprised by this disgusting behaviour? The answer is no. 'Garbage can'chester United 'fans' have proven once again they're a disgusting, hideous stain to this game. Actually booing and laughing during a minutes silence for such an occasion is absolutely appalling, but something we've come...

Am I surprised by this result? The answer is no. 'Heads in their hands'chester United have proven once again that they aim to solve all their problems by throwing money around like a drunk madman. No doubt United 'fans' will claim their big money signings such as Mata, Di Maria, Herrera, etc...

Am I surprised by this result? The answer is no. 'No sense of command'chester United have proven once again that they rely on dirty tactics and disgraceful diving to get something out of a game. How many of their recent results have been down to such disgusting play? Would they still be another...

But remember, this is 'Be as deluded as you possibly can'chester United we're talking about. You see, most of their 'fans' seem to believe their starting XI next season will include Messi, Ronaldo, Neymar, etc. Matter of fact, most of their 'fans' are so out of touch with the club they 'support'...

Am I surprised by these findings? The answer is no. 'Hated across the land'chester United have proven once again that their 'fans' are uneducated and vile in this recent study into modern footballing culture. You see, the main reason United 'fans' apparently 'support' their team is so they can...

'Phlegmmy Evans' has proven once again that 'Avoiding ban'chester United are a continued disgrace to football. So United 'fans', what excuse are you intending on using to protect another disgraceful display of sportsmanship?

Am I surprised by these findings? The answer is no. 'Money is their plan'chester United have proven once again that they are nothing but a club that throw money at their problems, where more honest clubs develop and nurture the future of this beautiful game. What makes them the laughing stock...

Am I surprised by this result? The answer is no. 'A laughing stock across the land'chester United have become one of the least attractive teams to watch in Europe, if not the world, with their own manager disgracing them after another shallow and boring performance. In an unsurprising movement...