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How would you know? the nearest you have been to Anfield was a school trip to Hadrains wall.

I wish i was him he certainly knows his stuff.

Fella asks his wife " whats for tea i'm starving?" Wife " you will have to wait i'm nipping to Oxfam to drop some of my old clothes off,they send them to Africa to help the people who have no money for food and clothes" Fella " they cant be that hungry if any of your clothes fit them you fat...

thought you had me on ignore? never lasted long did it. Please tell me where do the oar's go on your boat?

Diving French c***

Flat Earth, Brexit,Trump,Leicester and Barkley fair play to that Johnnytodd. I'm starting to think he was right about Saltire being a 25 stone virgin too.

Englishman 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?' Paddy 'Who told you that?'

How come whenever you ring a wrong number its never engaged?

" ehh Pogba did you have egg butties your breathe stinks?

Snow white , Tomb Thumb and Quazzie Modo go to the Guiness book of records HQ to see if they can get in.Snow White says " ill go in first i am surely the worlds mist beautiful woman" She goes in and 5 minutes later comes out " Yes i am officially the most beautiful woman in the world" Tom...

" for the last time .....i have not seen your fucking boomerang"

The Wizard of Oz is really on tv Christmas Day?

Bought the wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator for her birthday tomorrow. If she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself.

' and Gerrard said what fuck have you ever won you manc twat' I just went:

Fella gets a job in an asylum. First night he's doing his rounds and he sees a man sitting in his bed making loud car noises , screeching roaring turning the steering wheel, changing gear and breaking etc,every car noise you can imagine. He asks the patient ' what the fuck are you doing mate...

Ohhhhhhhh Vienna !

When jockey Lester Piggot was jailed for tax evasion it took prison officers 4 attempts to put him in his cell. Apparently they blindfolded him walked him backwards turned him in a circle 3 times before he finally went in.

Paddy and Murphy are pretending to be deaf to claim disability benefit. They get called in to the benefits office for a routine check. Paddy gets called in first and as he walks in, the benefit officer asks him to shut the door behind him and he does. " you lying bastard Paddy you could...

Was i also raped in the diary room? Youuuuu Decide !