I'd demand that my security guard do something about the weird guy in the Stuart Holden shirt clutching his cock while he goes through my bins each night.
i'd like a potato from every continent, each one symobolising in some fashion the continent's unique contribution to our global society. each potato would be chopped up into crisps using a kukri, as inconvenient as it is, and is to be cooked in the fat of a virgin maiden. it will be then salted with an 8 ball of coke, the finest balsamic vinegar from modena, and truffle infused olive oil. the truffle in this olive oil will have been found, not using a pig like is traditional, but by leading a piggish man with pig ears around the forests of tuscany until he finds enough for one packet of crisps. i will then eat the crisps