Post of the Year

[Craig]

The following post was the only one to receive more than one vote.

The match was shit from memory until the last 20 mins we get 2 late goals and sneak the win there was a a funny moment when a couple of blues got chased down the side of the pitch by stewards for celebrating in the home end…….even the germans were laughing and there was no nastiness in it infact the mayor of Nuremberg wrote to our City may thanking Everton for the behaviour of the fans a week or so later……….so we celebrate the win at the end with the players coming over to the fans etc and we stream out and head for the station, we all agreed to meet up at the same pub as I mentioned earlier……..

so were in the pub and im getting all sloppy over Anna we end up staying out til 2 am ish and then head off for round 2 in the bedroom.....well i'd been drinking all day hadnt i and were in bed and well lets just say the mountain wouldn't come to mohammed.........i was slapping it stretching it hitting it with me empty bottle and rubbing it like you would a stick when lighting a fire, fuck all was happening and she was gagging for it, i was getting desperate, i could see on her face she was getting impatient for me cock....so i stalled her saying one of the lads had text to say he was locked out and i shoot downstairs to see who was about....not sure about other sets of fans but when we go away we go overnight normally and we always take some viagra in case you get lucky...........so Tommie is leaning on the bar gurgling some shit about Everton domination of Europe and i check his coat pocket and find some tablets, sorted i think and swallow 1 get 2 drinks and head back upstairs............ one of the lads shouts were staying til saturday and to all have a lie in in the morning, it was getting better and better i smiled to myself.........so i get back in the room and she's dressed again and looking dissapointed..........i talk her round and after about an 20 mins we end up back in bed ........by now the viagras kicked in and i knock the back out of her for about 2 hours all over the room ........she loved it i'll tell yer and this was starting to get a bit tasty.....

 

[Craig]

it's now about 4 or 5 and im fucked, she makes a coffee and hints she wants more, these dutch birds really love it dont they.......ive still got the viagra pumping blood and im searching for some condoms and cant find any so i say im going down the hall to one of the other lads room to get some.......i get in beanos room and he is coma'd on the bed and just hands over his one an only condom i swear it was past its use by date.....as i'm walking back to my room with just me boxers on Pat Nevin appears and starts shouting whats all the fucking noise lads im trying to sleep in here.....he realises its me and starts having a go, i just walk past him with my big hard on and i swear he's staring at it so i cover it up with my hands and head back in the door........he follows me and puts his foot in the door like the smallest bailiff in Britain.......

.cont'd.............He is trying to get me to answer him and i'm just ignoring him, i liked him as a player but i couldn't bring myself to argue with him so force the door shut and say go to bed Pat ffs.......so Anna is now on the phone ringing whoever to say she is going to be away til Sunday and the mood drops alongside the viagra effect........so we get some kip.

About 10 or 11 we get up and go across the square to some cafe.........i feel fresh as a daisy but she is rough, don't know why but i like women when they have a hang over i just wanted to go back the hotel..........we walk round the town for a few hours and meet loads of blues still hanging around waiting to go home, we spot the landlord from the pub and he he is taking the piss out of me with pics on his phone of me smashed the night before............so we get some scran and Anna asks me to go to hers for the next couple of days on our own........bearing in mind we were all here in my car i said yes without thinking.............we get back to hotel and they are on the ale again and we discuss our options, Beano offers to take my car home and drop it at me dads if i wanted to go Holland for a few days...........i book off work til wednesday so there is now no rush for me to go home , so that evening me and Anna go for a scran and then go the pub we were in last night it's now friday night and a few on the locals spot me and come over and we get chatting...........

contd..........so for the next couple of hours we're talking football mainly about how shit England are and the Germans are taking the piss. They realize i don't care about the national side and it switches to ' who the fuck are Everton' so i educate them in all things Everton and by midnight we are all singing ' kopites are gobshites ' with that German twang..........Germans are quiet nice people when you get to know them but i wanted a piece of my Dutch bird and was worried she might bin me for one of these foreigners who could talk to her in her own language and might be sniffing in there.....but alas Anna only wanted me and slither off back to hotel.......we remarkably just fall to sleep and wake up in each others arms to the sound of ' ouskeeping ' we get dressed and check out and head to the station, we take some photos on the way to remember our time in the fatherland and she offers to pay for the tickets, it wasnt that expensive to be fair so i paid in the end lolz............it takes all afternoon to get back to a little village call St Michaels nr Den Bosch and we go into her house.......it was your typical dutch house all neat and tidy with pictures of animals everywhere , she was a vet..........so i'm trying to find the goals from the match on dutch TV when theres a knock on the door, Anna's in the shower and so i answer the door, fuck me this fella was about 8ft tall and as wide, he starts talking all dutch and im shitting it he then starts laughing and said its ok mate i know who you are im Anna's brother and im only checking to see if she's ok........

CONTD...so Hammy is Anna's brother he used to live in England for a few years and speaks good English like her....... he's one massive fella and i find out he's a bit of lad and we hit it off he asks us round to his house for a scran that night and i say ok and he fucks off.......Anna comes down the stairs like Bo Derek all her hairs dripping and i'm wanting to rattle her again but she must be sick of cock so i let her dry off and i just smooth talk her for a few hours.........we actually have loads is common , both highly educated and good looking and we tell each other what and how out lives thus far have been like......we are falling for each other i can tell and this is no football trip romance..........so we go round to her brothers and have a great night, his wife was boss too fit as fuck and a right flert but i had eyes for Anna only and we alk back to hers hand in hand.........i'm sure some of you are in tears reading this as it is a proper love story but be prepared it could get worse.......

cont: ....so we spend another night together at hers and its all sweet i decide to head home on the tuesday night as theres a cheap flight from schipol and i had promised to take my lad to some school event............anyway Anna's phone starts ringing all monday and i say if you need to work go to work i'll come for buzz.......so she answers this one call and its a farmer in a neighboring village and we head out to sort it all out.......this farm is a shithole and she says he takes ages to pay his bill, so she's not to keen to go but as its her profession she feels obliged so were in this barn and this cow is ill, screaming and mooing like fuck anyway its got some disease and anna has to stick her arm up its arse to put some antibiotics in otherwise its gona snuff it in the night..........so this animal is having none of it and this old boy is as much use as Jordan Henderson in a 4 on 2 break away so i end up tryning to hold this big fuck off cow while she's got her arm up its arse............2 hours later i wake up in A&E with Anna looking down on me in tears.........the fucking cow had head butted me and i went back and twatted me head on some troff.......fuck me i had some head ache and was told i was under observation for a few hours.......

cont: ....we see the funny side and i eventually get out 3 hours later with a big lump on my head and covered in cow shit and me clobber stinks.......i get back to hers and get washed up, we start talking all serious, she is now begging me not to go home and to stay indefinitely , she says she will pay for everything, she earns about £80k a year, and the house was all paid for so no mortgage etc but i bring her down to earth and tell her chill if she felt the same way in a few weeks maybe i would comeback for a weekend or something ( i was hoping we'd get Ajax in the last 16) so on the tuesday she's all emotional as we walk round den bosch for something to do and i start to like the look of the place and the people are so friendly a bit like Toxteth if you know what i mean......... eventually time was catching us up and we set off for schipoll .........everything goes fine and we say our goodbyes and i get home...............once at home i'm soon in father mode ....... the lads mam is giving me stick but i just tell her to do one and he comes to stay at mine for the week........a week or so passes and even though we spoke on the phone i wasn't really that bothered about going back over to see her, i knew if i did i wouldnt come back, its a scouse thing we like to see the world like the irish i think, the thought of having to talk to my mates about Leon Osmans win ratio wasnt that appealing anymore though so i do start to get itch feet........

has anyone read this yet?

FINAL CHAPTER :

So i get back into the swings of things and about 3 weeks later have to go to Eindhoven for a business course.....i arrange a few extra days and pop across to see Anna, it was like we have never been apart and it was a wonderful feeling to be back with her.........cut a long story a bit shorter as im sure your as bored as me typing this we travel back and to for a few months and then i go over and live with her for 4 years and we moved back over here after that.........i married Anna in 2011 and we plan to move back to Holland in 2018.

in tears here.

I personally haven't read any of it because it's really long and was written by johnnytodd but if you want to it should keep you going until the awards proper start at 6pm this evening.

 

[Dirk]

Johnny made "Post of the Year", made the "Best thread (Flat Earth)" and the "Worst Thread (Flat Earth)"? It's the Johnny Festival? 3 out of 3 so far, Hattrick. Holy Shit Lukaku
(Thank God I didn't vote for you as "Worst General Poster", Johnny )

 

[johnnytodd]

i think it was Pat Nevin ogling my boner that won it.

Cheers !

 

[Stevencc]

Johnny made "Post of the Year", made the "Best thread (Flat Earth)" and the "Worst Thread (Flat Earth)"? It's the Johnny Festival? 3 out of 3 so far, Hattrick. Holy Shit Lukaku
(Thank God I didn't vote for you as "Worst General Poster", Johnny )

Who did you vote for as "worst general poster"?