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Burgess Hill Town v Dover Athletic for me, reporting for a local paper and hoping for a home win, not only because I have affection for Burgess Hill but because I don't fancy a midweek trek to Crabble.

It's funny, I don't like 3G, yet I have to support it at this level as it makes a club a real community facility. Nearby (Step 6) Steyning Town open their new 3G pitch tomorrow, and Crowborough Athletic will be laying one in the summer.

I went along to Woodside Road on Saturday for the Non League Paper, but as always wrote far more than they needed. So here's a kind of match report, which also focuses on the resurgence of Worthing FC under George Dowell...

Chorley have a history of it. Went there with Bishop Auckland as far back as 1981, Bishop won, the response of the home fans was to invade the pitch, knock our keeper unconscious before attacking the old men and teenagers who had travelled from the north east. It seems old morons never die, they...

http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/football/merstham-boys-give-mead-a-cup-hangover/ A few words, but mainly pictures, from Merstham's 5-1 FA Cup win over Thamesmead Town last weekend.

Jimmy Bullard, Leatherhead FC and a thrilling draw with Leiston. http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/football/im-a-celebrityhow-did-i-get-here/

A bit of FA Vase: http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/football/the-queen-likes-us-she-doesnt-like-you-fa-vase-q2/ Featuring East Preston, Tunbridge Wells and a combustible labrador...

http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/football/slippery-when-wet/ Alton FC and their (almost) new ground on Non League Day, v Ringwood Town. Four goals and enough rain to float an ark.

Haywards Heath Town hold onto their 100% SCFL record with a hard fought victory over AFC Uckfield Town- but Monserrat international keeper Nic Taylor isn't happy... http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/football/taylor-takes-issue-but-heath-hold-out/

I went to The Beveree on behalf of the NLP last weekend, but they only need 400 words so here are the rest, just in case you're interested. Featuring Hampton & Richmond Borough, Truro City, the Leeds United songbook and a large beaver...

Musselmen flex their muscles & hold on for victory... Shoreham, Loxwood, the Southern Combination Football League and the road to nowhere. http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/football/musselmen-flex-their-muscles-and-hold-on-for-victory/

Sadly they don't have the space. I write for a number of outlets, but I much prefer to put my stuff online as it allows me to actually be creative rather than just a statistician with a few added words.

On Saturday I watched Braintree Town v Macclesfield Town for the NLP, but they want only 400 words and I wrote rather more...so here they are, just in case you're interested. Take a sad side, and make it better...Featuring Braintree Town & Macclesfield Town, a poor John Barnes impersonator, and...

Another from the FA Cup... An FA Cup tale from Eastbourne Oval, featuring Eastbourne United Association, Tunbridge Wells FC, clowns to the left of us, jokers to the right. http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/football/united-take-the-prize-wells-take-their-grannies/ And I've tested the link, it...

http://www.townsendaround.co.uk/...fa-cup-adventure-17/ Sholing in sepia- an FA Cup extra preliminary round adventure featuring a Wembley goal scorer, Jim Davidson, Val Doonican, Pikachu and a flock of pigeons. It isn't just a match report (and it's rather longer), so I didn't put it in the...

More FA cockups.

Surely they all look the same...!

Be careful, you'll have your inflatable cod confiscated.

At this point it looks likely that if I take my boots I might get a game. It seems they'll have to integrate at least half a team.

Fabulous player. Though occasionally loses control of his enormous legs and gives away clumsy penalties.