Are the Slavs just unstoppable?

[Okechukwu]

As some of you know, I have spent the last half decade or so, somewhere in the range of several thousand hours, trying to understand which breed of humans are best fit to play football. I have been repeatedly shot down disappointingly by middle class ethnocentrics. I have however, revised my "theory" and now I think that the Slavics would dominate the world given the opportunity.

Isn't it obvious?

In recent years the Slavs have produced the best strikers, centre backs and defensive midfielders.

They are a smart bunch, particularly in the penalty area. No other race has created better poachers. Manzukic, Shevchenko, Dzeko, Klose, Lewandowski the list is endless.

They have an inherent toughness about them, they want to win. They have all endured the consequences of a war-striken Yugoslavia and that's reflected in the way that they defend and score goals. Even a team compiled of 11 6 ft 7, 200 lb Africans would not stand a change against a well co-ordinated team of Slavs.

These Slavs should unite and form their own world cup team. They would dominate it. It would almost be unfair. Could you imagine a team of...

Begovic
Piszczek Toprak Mustafi Kolarov
Matic Rakitic
Turan Wilshere Perisic
Lewandowski


Pure stamina, strength, aerial ability, tackling masterclass and collectively will tear apart any team

Thoughts? I think the Slavs and Africans are similar in the way that they are both tough, but the Slavs just edge it in terms of overall ability due to their European pedigree.

 

[Pagnell]

I can see this going well.

 

[joethegill]

Just tried that team on Fifa.

Didn't work.

 

[Aber gas]

What the fucking fuck is this bollocks?

 

[Skinner]

I remember this from a few years ago, this topic was the real death of TFF

 

[Stevencc]

Strong thread, alternate account.

 

[Stringy]

You've given me a new theory on why England are rubbish at football.

If the concept of 'race' is a social rather than biological construct, a construct which was needed to justify the continuation of the Transatlantic Slave Trade, then maybe we have slavery to blame for how bad we currently are. I know, this sounds ludicrous but hear me out.

As slaves were considered property of the master by law, it was necessary to erode the qualities which made them human. Out of this came stereotypes of Africans (e.g. 'they' are stronger, 'they' have smaller brains', 'they' are more athletic. We then used this new way of classifying the world for the next four hundreds years. The Spaniards play well in the sun, the Germans are ruthlessly efficient which makes them great at penalties, the Russians are rock solid and likely to beat us in any one-off game.

The problem is that by entrenching this idea of the 'races' in the mind of the British people, is how we define ourselves. The British people are not dextrous, we don't have the biological or cultural ability to keep the ball. We now deem ourselves incapable of winning anything. We go, "We can't win here, it's too sunny" or "We can't win here, it's too hilly". Before heading into a tournament, we've already lost.

This theory might seem out there but the more I'm writing, the more it makes sense...

 

[Haillay7]

Aye but... Wilshere?