- Feb 3, 2015
- Reaction score
- Notts Co
How dare you slag off Alan's hair.
This may be the best match report I've ever readFriday - 'fancy Crawley?' me Dad sez...'Alright'...
Bish That is quite literally the best review of a bad day I have ever read in my whole life! Gonna have to throw these boxers straight in the fucking bin....Friday - 'fancy Crawley?' me Dad sez...'Alright' I sez knowing it'll cost me the grand total of £14 for a day out (yeah, I'm 22 and got in as a 17 year old, who's the real fucking winner Crawley Town?)...Little did I fucking know what a surreal and, frankly, disgraceful day it would be.
We get there really really early because me da says you've got to allow ages for traffic on the M25, so we did, we allowed enough time in case we had a crash, fell into a coma and still would then have time to get to the game after a lengthy period of physical therapy. I get handed my ticket, 'we're in this together' the shite scrap says (...once we know that we're strong and our stars - or however it goes).
'Thanks everyone for coming early' - Wait, the fuck? There's 30 people here...
'and supporter of the year....TRACEY COLE' - wooooo, 'go on Trace yells a woman behind the goal' - there's like 40 people here max.
Tightarses REALLY don't wanna open the terracing but eventually they do when there's too many for the seats so we file onto the terrace - waheyyy, behind the goal, we're loud, sun shining - I Gotta Feeling...woohoo.
Game starts, we pass it around a bit, ok lads. Corner - right, we've struggled with these recently, just pick up a man and...1-0. Fuck sake.
Few minutes later, right set-piece, just switch on. Free header for the biggest bloke on the pitch. 2-0.
c***. USELESS FUCKING c***. The rest of the game is a needless procession between two teams that are frankly an embarrassment to football. Thompson misses a sitter, McLeod misses one too, Thompson messes up another chance, Dean Morgan does...that...ahahaha, seriously what the fuck was that miss? Then the game ends, Alan Smith tries to clap us but is met with a barrage of recommendations that he retire because, in my poetic wording, 'he's a slow useless old fucking c*** of a prick, fuck off, stop clapping us...RETIRE, RETIRE....RETIRE...and cut your hair, you're 34 for fuck sake' - I get a nasty look from a bloke who obviously thinks we should be clapping them off like a cricket team who have lost a Test match on Day 2.
Smith - old prick. Retire
Mullins - finished. Retire
Jones - can't pass a ball, literally can't...if he turned up for powerleague he'd get laughed at. Retire.
McCourt - he's drunk...he HAS to be drunk. Retire/end your career at St. Mirren.
Garry Thompson - Fuck off. Retire/score 10 goals next season in the conference.
Shaun Derry - Never manage a club again.
Today was bad, so so very bad. It was lacklustre and Crawley will never play so bad and win 2-0 again. Slow, no width, no movement, no technical ability, didn't win any headers, weren't first to any second balls, lost every challenge. They just didn't turn up aside from perhaps Blair Adams who went off with a hamstring strain just to continue the theme of all our good players eventually getting injured.
If Smith plays on Tuesday then it's practically curtains for Moniz already as far as I'm concerned. Anyone with a braincell can see the bloke is a useless c*** camel. The team selection was shite, subs were too. In fairness I think he's probably as fucking angry and frustrated at the technically inept squad Derry left him as we are.
Oh and, yeah this is a bit bitter, but for the love of God can Crawley fuck off. There wasn't any reaction when they scored, their fans made no noise, their ground would get torn apart by a bit of wind. We lost to a team whose 50/50 draw prize money was £38.50.
Home now anyway, hopefully half our team are crippled into retirement before Tuesday night - which as far as I'm concerned is merely a chance to get more value out of my season ticket and an opportunity to spend 90 minutes yelling abuse at any Notts player that gets within earshot (Jimmy Spencer and Curtis Thompson aside).