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Is CANE the new WABLO?

HertsWolf

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For the uninitiated, WABLO - We'll Always Be League One - was founded by Oldham as a way of making seemingly eternal membership of Britain's top football division without the letter P or C in the name a fashion statement. Other members include Gillingham, Walsall, Bradford and Port Vale. MK Dons were a member but decided to explore pastures new for one season. Tranmere and Notts County both boasted of membership but events overtook them.

However, we don't have the same ambitious membership scheme in the Championship and I feel we should.

So, we introduce CANE....Championship And Nowhere Else...the new permanent membership scheme for the Championship. Membership criteria are fairly loose, but it is free of charge. Is your club eligible for membership?

  • a fairly big stadium which is not as good as most PL grounds but a lot fucking better than Vale Park
  • a history
  • located in a place that's a bit gritty, a bit edgy
  • ongoing, unmitigated bitterness about the fact that "we're fucking bigger than this division"
  • a rivalry with an equally big nearby city or a really irritating minor PL team
  • regularly on TV for largely historical reasons
  • annually relieved of League Cup ambitions by upstarts like Northampton or Exeter
  • small trophy room which doubles as a room to keep the hoover and the rug-steaming machine
  • a comprehensive range of club-branded velour leisurewear
  • either a band or a cheerleader team
  • a PA announcer who was once a poor local radio DJ, but who thinks he's great craic
  • a proper 'blokes' strip: no pinks, greys, patterns. Just solid, traditional colours, stripes or hoops
  • a footballing style that is 'interesting' to watch for 30 minutes but largely ineffective, counterproductive and makes for poor TV. Like floodlight pinball.
  • crucially, their ability to finish between about 9th and 16th, year in, year out with an occasional flash of brilliance that drags them into a play-off position in September or a few weeks in the relegation zone in April
The fans of these CANE clubs can be identified by:
  • their unfailing belief that they really are the by far the greatest team the world has ever seen
  • their desperate need to have a decent away following
  • their list of quite plausible reasons why their away following isn't as good as Leeds
  • their need to position their youth supporters as being sufficiently hard as to make away fans nervous but not sufficiently hard to encourage or engage visiting firms: a sort of middle-class Tweet menace.
  • their acute perception of penalties unawarded to their team and those unfairly awarded to opposing teams
  • their innate refereeing skills
  • their acquaintance with "someone in the know" at the club
  • their belief that their ex-players are predominantly "gash" (if they used to be good) or "great" (if they left when elderly and slow)
  • their need for other fans to respect their club, regardless that neither party can work out any reasons for that respect
  • their undying, relentless knowledge that they will, one day escape this fucking division and all it will take is a couple of seasons in the PL and they will surely take all the honours. If only, just one season, if only....
I submit to the jury that Wolves are CANE. We tick all those boxes. Can't see us going up or down any season soon. We're just Championship.
 
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HertsWolf

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I think I missed out the club anthem.
All CANE clubs have to have a chant or anthem that isn't unique but most fans think it is.
Then when it's shown that it isn't unique, because they sing it at the start of games elsewhere, they can then explain why they were the first to sing it. Despite video evidence showing fans of Oxford University singing it at the 1877 Cup Final (until Paddy Kenny saved a penalty that would have given them the equaliser).

#HiHoWolverhampton!
 

AnkleBiter

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Stretch the positioning down to 20th and I think we're quite CANE, minus being too big for this tinpot league.

Good to be here.
 

SF_

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Our rivalry is with a shit seaside town so we're not CANE.
 

JJH

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Stay up this season and we'll fit into this category perfectly next season.

POTENTIAL CANE.
 

El Guapo

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We tick all the boxes apart from sharing a rivalry with an ‘equally big’ nearby city.

And having a history, I suppose. Unless one of 140 years’ worth of insignificance counts.
 

M Dogg

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We are the epitome of CANE. Perhaps only Ipswich and Wednesday can out-CANE us.
 

HertsWolf

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We tick all the boxes apart from sharing a rivalry with an ‘equally big’ nearby city.

And having a history, I suppose. Unless one of 140 years’ worth of insignificance counts.

Yeh, the criteria should be changed to an "equally tiresome nearby smaller club"......
 

HertsWolf

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Funnily enough...and I guess it's just a truism....if you look at the middle of the Championship table right now: all CANE.
 

M Dogg

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I'm not sure Wolves have a right to be CANE at the moment. You were in League One only 2 years ago and had your CANE mantle taken from you. It wasn't much longer before that you were in the Premier League either.

Showing a lot of promising signs of becoming certified CANE, but still a bit of work to do.

Current CANE stalwarts:

Forest
Brum
Blackburn
Leeds
Wednesday
Derby (though they may dispute this as they should go up really)
 

Luke_1884

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Whilst Blackburn are incredibly fucking boring, they still have recent memories of past PL glories thanks to the likes of Tugay, Savage and Santa Cruz. I don't think they're quite CANE yet. Ipswich have to be included.

I reckon forget that sole PL season and Cardiff can join the crew too, they used to be bigger bottle jobs than us in this division.
 

M Dogg

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Ipswich, of course, forgot about the CANE CEO and founder member!
 

roversfan2001

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Whilst Blackburn are incredibly fucking boring, they still have recent memories of past PL glories thanks to the likes of Tugay, Savage and Santa Cruz. I don't think they're quite CANE yet. Ipswich have to be included.

I reckon forget that sole PL season and Cardiff can join the crew too, they used to be bigger bottle jobs than us in this division.
We can't be CANE yet surely, this is only our 4th season here in the past 15. In those other 11 years we've come as high as 6th in the Prem.
 

hodge

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Thought immediately of Forest when I read this, however Reading as a potential CANE? A recent premier league season but quick return so similar to Cardiff in that respect?
 

El Guapo

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Thought immediately of Forest when I read this, however Reading as a potential CANE? A recent premier league season but quick return so similar to Cardiff in that respect?
I would say Reading are more WABLO than CANE, they have spent about two thirds of their history in the third tier.
 

Madejski

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I would say Reading are more WABLO than CANE, they have spent about two thirds of their history in the third tier.
We are/were the OG WABLO. Always that team that finished around 8th every season. 24 seasons in a row stuck in that same league with no promotion or relegation.

Bit harsh to still be that now, given we've spent a big majority of the past 30 years above that level, and infrastructure/fanbase we're probably more Championship than League One now. Maybe a lesser CANE, but a CANE now all the same.
 

M Dogg

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You know you're in trouble when you're having to argue that your club is big enough to be CANE... :lol:
 

Bobbin'

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Yeah, we're pretty CANE.

Actually, if you take away the TV appearances, we are very CANE.
 
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HertsWolf

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Yeah, we're pretty CANE

Mate, we don't see your subscription fees for this season. So I think you may have left the CANE group. Looks like you're heading for promotion to another division. Ummmm. Oh wait.... :fart:
 

Bobbin'

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Mate, we don't see your subscription fees for this season. So I think you may have left the CANE group. Looks like you're heading for promotion to another division. Ummmm. Oh wait.... :fart:

We have until May to settle up!

Having a severe cash flow problem at the moment though.
 

T.A

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So close to Cane felt Wablo (dirty bugger)
 

JJH

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Just realised there's also FELT. For Ever League Two.
Bristol Rov.....

Wait, scrap that.

image.jpeg


:)
 

Dazza

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We are Wablo.
 
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Ciderhead

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Forget WABLO or CANE. Is there a word for constantly bouncing up and down in between and never really getting anywhere? CABLO? Or WANE maybe more appropriate.

We're like a shitty West Brom
 

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