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Match Thread - 11/04/15 - Easter Excitement! (Not really)

CrazyImp

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Much like a Halifax fan near a 50p hooker - I'm getting it in early.

AFC Telford vs. Lincoln
Barnet vs. Halifax
Braintree vs. Aldershot
Bristol Rovers vs. Southport
Chester vs. Dover
Dartford vs. Nuneaton
Eastleigh vs. Alfreton
Forest Green vs. Macclesfield
Grimsby vs. Wrexham
Torquay vs. Altrincham
Welling vs. Kidderminster
Woking vs. Gateshead

I feel it only appropriate to start with our near neighbours from Cleethorpes this week - they're turning into quite the media whores aren't they? Not content with their Christmas stunt featuring a random fan in love with a donkey, they've gone on a slightly above average run and are set to have a super accurate documentary made about them by Señor Baron Cohen - hopefully he'll end up in the bed of Craig Disley's 25-stone wife or something. They play Wrexham at the Stadio del Cod this week in a likely win or bust hunt for the tinpot Easter Egg.

In said hunt, Barnet are hanging on grimly at the summit, much like Urban's sense of sanity - can the Marmelade Men hold onto that golden ticket back to the Football League? It would take a brave man to bet on the division's saintly angels Halifax you feel. Tears at the Shay, not for the first time.

Going west, we have Bristol Rovers and their alleged 50,000 fans still hopeful of an immediate return to paradise as well - so it's going to be a shock when Steve and his Scouse dog Scamper from Southport roll up to the Mem in their mini van and steal an utterly undeserved 1-0 win, having had 22% possession. (Probably not, but it would be a hoot to see the reaction)

My club Lincoln are going to do our bit for charity this weekend, despite needing a bit of it ourselves, by handing already relegated Telford a goodwill three points on their way back to Gainsborough, Leamington et al, whereas probably the worst side I've seen this season, Nuneaton, need that and a prayer in their bid to avoid the same fate - but will surely dispose of Dartford like one of Garry Hill's nappies.

Speaking of the bald messiah, I fear he needs to cut down on those funny fags, he's been looking a little downtrodden appearance-wise recently (ie the last decade) much like a Conference Avram Grant....alas, his Woking side have a home game against busted flush Gateshead, whom it appears the term "flatter to deceive" was created for....expect the home side to cause another shock.

Now onto the biggest fairytale cum tragedy of the season - that's right, I'm talking about #TheMaccMachine2015. It's beauty blossomed in the Winter, like a 17th century rendition of Romeo and Juliet, a beacon of hope and love....and then its engine went and exploded, guts flying everywhere if B2TF is to be believed. They desperately need something at Flower Power FC if their promotion dream against the odds (TM) is to remain alive.

Elsewhere in the Easter garden - tense times for two old tinpot "favourites" (lol) in Alfreton and Welling, who are staring each other down like Channing Tatum and Robert Pattinson as to who is the more talentless - they go in search of survival against play-off hopefuls Eastleigh and an abomination of a Kiddy side respectively. Braintree and Aldershot play each other in the sewers of the south; the world's greatest manager Steve Burr, having lost a million games in a row now, has another tough task at home to surprise package Douvres....and finally Torquay play Alty near the end of a season more forgettable than Kelly Clarkson's music career.

So many questions, so little time.....will Paul Hurst ready his gherkin and brussel sprouts if he pulls the unthinkable off? Will Rovers' 50,000 fans maintain their now famous sense of humility if promotion comes their way? And will Martin Allen resign with one game left if Barnet slip down a place? A fascinating finale is set to ensue. Raise your tankards non-leaguers.

Exit, to queue for Craig Disley's wife.
 

Gassy

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Big weekend.

This will test how Barnet can handle the pressure now they have a (no offence to their previous games) much better team to face.

I don't think Southport will be a roll over, I can see a tough 1-0 game coming up
 

DarkSithLord

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Much like a Halifax fan near a 50p hooker - I'm getting it in early.

....and finally Torquay play Alty near the end of a season more forgettable than Kelly Clarkson's music career.

.

There is nothing wrong with Kelly Clarksons music lol? Other than another superb Match Thread mate
 

Ban Fat Stan

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I think we Barnet have shown over Easter that we can deal with the pressure.

However bristol have a nailed on 3 points and I think we are going to have to be at our best.

Get through Saturday with a win and I know that I would much prefer playing Kidderminster than Dover looking at their form.

I can't see past a 4 nil win for bristol just hope we can keep digging the result out.

Looks like kiddy fans will be moved again to fit the Bees in at aggborough.... :2thumb:
 

Master D

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Going west, we have Bristol Rovers and their alleged 50,000 fans still hopeful of an immediate return to paradise as well - so it's going to be a shock when Steve and his Scouse dog Scamper from Southport roll up to the Mem in their mini van and steal an utterly undeserved 1-0 win, having had 22% possession. (Probably not, but it would be a hoot to see the reaction)

Southport are capable of pulling shit like this, god knows how many times they've done it to a big gun in this league. But it's usually at their gaff.
 

BeeSting

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Bristol Rovers previous two games have been easier than ours. Chester are on their holidays and have been thumped twice now, kidderminster are bottom of the form table, haven't been paid and have decimated squad. Our nerve has held up against better opposition than yours. We will beat Halifax on Saturday and you will beat Southport but you'll come unstuck against a team in Dover that won't give you any undeserved respect.
 

Sparrow

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Need to win our remaining three to have any chance of making the play-offs.


Garry Hill doesn't smoke. No Match Thread Sponsor. 9/10.
 

Gassy

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Im looking forward to Dover personally. We play better against teams that try to beat us, rather than those who sit back all game
 

BeesKnees

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Im looking forward to Dover personally. We play better against teams that try to beat us, rather than those who sit back all game
Hope your keeper likes a hug as the Dover players just love surrounding the keeper on crosses and corners.
 

rudebwoyben

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The excitement of the title race has obviously got to CrazyImp....
 

CrazyImp

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Yes, obviously. All I dream about at nights is John Akinde, Lee Mansell and Lenell John-Lewis in a Blind Date situation, gagging to know who will hug that trophy like Barney the Dinosaur.
 

George Reilly's Hairpiece

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A team that loves a draw, against a team that doesn't really do them, especially at home. Although we did draw the reverse fixture.

So in summing up, :dk:
 

yellow

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We're playing Alty? Cool.
 

Luke Imp

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With Cranston suspended, Diagne will get his first appearance since, like, well, ages (October maybe?). Power's also out.

Suspect the younger lads will get a run out again, too.
 

Davidimp

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Was impressed with the young lads that played Monday stood up well to the big lads in the Halifax side.
 

CrazyImp

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Just sunk my last few quid in my WH account on BTTS and match result in favour of ourselves, Eastleigh and Woking.

Won't happen obviously, but £416 would be nice.
 

Cardsfan

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Just sunk my last few quid in my WH account on BTTS and match result in favour of ourselves, Eastleigh and Woking.

Won't happen obviously, but £416 would be nice.
What odds did you get? That seems pretty decent to me.
 

Railway Blue

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I can Stefan Payne getting at least a couple tomorrow.
 

miagsygas

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Seems like there might be a bit of a bumper crowd at ours tomorrow, hopefully we don't shit the bed.

Although apparently Southport are barely going to be able to pick a first 11 due to injuries and suspensions.
 

DarkSithLord

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Theo Streete has received a 3 match suspension for a incident in the tunnel with Richard Brodie who has a received a one match ban himself after the Nuneaton v Southport game. Means that Brodie will miss the trip to Bristol
 

Gassy

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Seems like there might be a bit of a bumper crowd at ours tomorrow, hopefully we don't shit the bed.

Although apparently Southport are barely going to be able to pick a first 11 due to injuries and suspensions.
Papers are saying 9000! Not quite sure that many myself but who knows!

Got a feeling Barnet and us will slip up today blowing this wide open
 

DarkSithLord

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Papers are saying 9000! Not quite sure that many myself but who knows!

Got a feeling Barnet and us will slip up today blowing this wide open
Really cant see Rovers having any issues at all today. Southport were beaten 3-0 by already relegated Telford last time out and are missing their main goal threat in Brodie. Comfortable home win for me. Think Bristol will find it very tough at Dover next week.
 

BeesKnees

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Can't see Bristol rovers slipping up against a depleted Southport. We put 4 past them a few weeks ago and I expect you to do similar. Expect us to be well fired up with Allen looking for revenge from last year when we saw what happens when a talented but lightweight side comes up against an organised and physically strong team. We are nothing like the side that lost that day and one thing is certain we wont be rolling over this time.
 

B2TF

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Can't see Bristol rovers slipping up against a depleted Southport. We put 4 past them a few weeks ago and I expect you to do similar. Expect us to be well fired up with Allen looking for revenge from last year when we saw what happens when a talented but lightweight side comes up against an organised and physically strong team. We are nothing like the side that lost that day and one thing is certain we wont be rolling over this time.

Pffft. Barnet! Bring it on FFS.:box:
 

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