Stickied Post your Away Day Stories

[TractorBoys]

As suggested in the "when do you start drinking on an away day" thread, post your away day stories here. I'll come back to this thread to leave my own away day anecdotes shortly.

 

[epic73]

No away days in America

 

[johnnytodd]

right do you want it all in one post or in chapters this one is long and i mean long?

 

[Indian Dan]

Drove up to Blackpool on a Friday for the promotion clincher the next day. Stopped on the M6 for a 'comfort' break and as I came out of the bogs my pissed up companions were legging it back to the car with a fucking huge rubber plant one of them had nicked.

They refused to get in the car unless the plant came too. Drove the rest of the way with the fucking thing stuck out of my sun roof.

It's awful being the sober one!

 

[Leo]

right do you want it all in one post or in chapters this one is long and i mean long?

Oh stop being a Princess Johnny & get fucking on with it.....

 

[mistermagic]

Trip up north to Valenciennes with some PSG hardcore. Most of them lived in a northern suburb while I came from a southern one. After a sleepover and dealing with the papers to rent a car we drive up to Valenciennes and pass our time by having a friendly fight with our own fans (them were the days). We get beat 1-2, a lot of our fans getting beaten to death by some Valenciennes fans helping themselves to utilities left in the near building site.
I am dropped off in said northern suburb and find myself completely stuck having to walk 2kms to the next big train station. During that highly entertaining walk (which I don't achieve in a straight line) I have a very serious urge to take a shit. Now I didn't have any toilet paper in my backpack but I was quite fond of playing sudoku while commuting and them weren't digital at the time so I ended up taking the shit and wipping my arse with a few pages of the sudoku puzzle book. I checked they were all finished as otherwise I would have regretted.
My arse was burning all the while I was finally sitting in a train for the long ride down south.

Next week, I'll tell you about the fight we had with some Wolfsburg kids while on a European away trip.

 

[Leo]

Drove up to Blackpool on a Friday for the promotion clincher the next day. Stopped on the M6 for a 'comfort' break and as I came out of the bogs my pissed up companions were legging it back to the car with a fucking huge rubber plant one of them had nicked.

They refused to get in the car unless the plant came too. Drove the rest of the way with the fucking thing stuck out of my sun roof.

It's awful being the sober one!

I'd have left the c***s unless they dumped the stolen property. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

 

[johnnytodd]

I'd have left the c***s unless they dumped the stolen property. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Leo If u think that is bad mate u better log off before I paste my first chapter.

 

[johnnytodd]

So I get a ticket for Nuremberg away on the Monday before the fixture on the Thursday. I get it on the proviso I use my car and the promise we,d take it in turns driving , it was not robbed before u ask and was brand new Audi a4. We leave Tuesday night abar 8 to get to channel tunnel for 12 noon Wednesday. On the way down we were on rum and coke and a few puffers.....
I wake up in some service station knackered as the others bring a scran back to car. Then there's a knock on window and some twat saying I owe £23.00 for the food im still half asleep and tell him to fuck off and drive off.
Gets to tunnel about 30 mins early and meet up with a few blues and we park on train , stretch legs and start singing a few top songs and we all meet up as we get off train....theres now a small convoy on route to Nuremberg and we all agree to meet somewhere on route.....so were in some Dutch village might of been belgium tbf and end up on the piss and there's abar 20 of us.....there's some match on tv and we end up having a friendly sing song with the locals and this is where we meet Anna....fingers hurting now end of part 1

 

[johnnytodd]

So its late Wednesday and decide to drive in the morning and book in some hotel......were in the pub and get involved in a darts match with these locals all good Banta explaining how Everton invented football and how Victor Anichebe is better than Ronaldo......i get chatting to Anna and beer goggles kick in and fall in love.....so I spends abar 40 notes on her and want something in return....im not lying when I say This but she was fitter than anything I've shagged down the years.....all the lads were giving me the nod saying I was in with her and left me to it ........about 1 or 2am I plucked up to ask her back to hotel.....gets back there and we gave a smoke and drink and get into some sex.....

 

[claret50]

You can't leave it there.......

 

[johnnytodd]

Part 2 tomorrow

 

[Leo]

Part 2 tomorrow

fucking cock tease mate...you, not Anna....

 

[johnnytodd]

So we are getting down and dirty and then there’s a bang on the door, it was one of me mates saying we need to look for Tommie as he has got the car keys and gone missing. Anna comes with us to help out and we look everywhere and can’t find him. We all agree he must have tapped off and wait to see if he turns up……… we all get up to the news he’s still missing,

Anna calls the pub and he was there thank fuck asleep in the guest room with about 4 other blues who were not in our group but turned up later on after I’d left. They were playing poker til late with locals and Tommie was now skint the bellend ……….Anna wants to come with us and I talk the others into letting her as she is sound and just wants more of my banta and love making of course……we set off about 9 and smash it to Nuremberg and find a hotel on the outskirts around 12 ish we were goner throw our bags in room and have a wander around the town to sober up……as we check in we notice Pat Nevin and the Channel 5 crew are in same hotel …so we go over and start hinting we’re 2 or 3 tickets short for tonight ……. we blag a ticket for Anna and one for another lad who came, we paid face value so that was a nice bit of luck ….someone suggested we’ll go for a walk to clear our heads we’ll go and look at where Hitler marched his troops but we turn the first corner in the city centre and there is literally blue and white everywhere and I mean everywhere………………………….. its only about 1.30 and the town centre is heaving with scousers we don’t kick off till 8pm………it was push to get past chocker in most places with bizzies by every pub…..the local bizzies were sound tbf they were mingling in shaking hands and having photos etc some on horses just keeping a distant watch as most blues were pissed already ……. flags and banners from every building as far as the eye could see, there must have been 10,000 of us there………we get on the ale straight away and its going down nice Anna is still on me arm like a rash…couldn’t find a supermarket with any beer left so had to pay full prices in the pubs at first …….we went to 2 or 3 pubs in the square and all choka and so me and Anna sneak off for some alone time around 4ish and end up in the little bar off the main street, we get talking and now I’m soberish realise she is boss and I want to keep her around for the rest of the day……….turns out she is a VET and runs her own practice in Holland and was basically minted ……….my eyes light up and I’m thinking how I am I goner leave UK to marry her already lolz…………….so the pub is heaving with blues and a few home fans and the banta continues with locals trying to wind Anna up for joining our ranks……. loads of singing and hand shaking goes on and we get them singing ‘ kopites are gobshites’ as per the norm for any Everton euro tour…….was such a good laugh in there with the Germans and tbf again they bought most of the ale……..i ended up in a Nuremberg hat and Anna my new bitch was covered head to toe in blue and white…… I get Anna to ask the landlord if its ok if we comeback after the match with the rest of the lads he says fine and he will be open till 4am fucking result tha……we get train with some home fans and arrive by the ground about 6.30……. as we walk round the ground Pat Nevin walks past and stops for a chat…… I think he fancied Anna tbf I swerve him as he was as interesting as Silks on methadone…………part 3 to follow

 

[Leo]

Tomorrow....fucking TOMORROW??????.......This better be good Johnny lad, better be good!

 

[johnnytodd]

Tomorrow....fucking TOMORROW??????.......This better be good Johnny lad, better be good!

You cant rush a novelist mate

 

[Leo]

You cant rush a novelist mate

....Love it Johnny. If there was a wee competition for 'Quote of the week'....that would do for me.

 

[johnnytodd]

we meet up with lads to dish out tickets and theres loads asking for spares, Tommie was in danger of being nicked as he was smashed and could hardly walk infact he was that pissed he was technically asleep as we walked to turnstiles how the fuck he got in is beyond me..... in the end most without tickets go in the home end as they were readily available, we get in ground and its about 10 mins til kick off the german stewards are laying out all the banners pitch side behind the goal there was that many of us, this is just the george roper remember couldnt believe how many of us there was......

we get to our seats and Tommie takes the knock and is fast asleep before we kick off, Anna was loveing it as she had only ever been to watch Den Bosch play and said it was shit........them days you could smoke at the match and it was like Amsterdam in our end fucking reaked of skunk and was getiing over bearing, anyway the players come out and our end erupts into song.....

 

[Leo]

Baited breath time....

 

[johnnytodd]

The match was shit from memory until the last 20 mins we get 2 late goals and sneak the win there was a a funny moment when a couple of blues got chased down the side of the pitch by stewards for celebrating in the home end…….even the germans were laughing and there was no nastiness in it infact the mayor of Nuremberg wrote to our City may thanking Everton for the behaviour of the fans a week or so later……….so we celebrate the win at the end with the players coming over to the fans etc and we stream out and head for the station, we all agreed to meet up at the same pub as I mentioned earlier……..

 

[johnnytodd]

so were in the pub and im getting all sloppy over Anna we end up staying out til 2 am ish and then head off for round 2 in the bedroom.....well i'd been drinking all day hadnt i and were in bed and well lets just say the mountain wouldn't come to mohammed.........i was slapping it stretching it hitting it with me empty bottle and rubbing it like you would a stick when lighting a fire, fuck all was happening and she was gagging for it, i was getting desperate, i could see on her face she was getting impatient for me cock....so i stalled her saying one of the lads had text to say he was locked out and i shoot downstairs to see who was about....not sure about other sets of fans but when we go away we go overnight normally and we always take some viagra in case you get lucky...........so Tommie is leaning on the bar gurgling some shit about Everton domination of Europe and i check his coat pocket and find some tablets, sorted i think and swallow 1 get 2 drinks and head back upstairs............ one of the lads shouts were staying til saturday and to all have a lie in in the morning, it was getting better and better i smiled to myself.........so i get back in the room and she's dressed again and looking dissapointed..........i talk her round and after about an 20 mins we end up back in bed ........by now the viagras kicked in and i knock the back out of her for about 2 hours all over the room ........she loved it i'll tell yer and this was starting to get a bit tasty.....

 

[johnnytodd]

it's now about 4 or 5 and im fucked, she makes a coffee and hints she wants more, these dutch birds really love it dont they.......ive still got the viagra pumping blood and im searching for some condoms and cant find any so i say im going down the hall to one of the other lads room to get some.......i get in beanos room and he is coma'd on the bed and just hands over his one an only condom i swear it was past its use by date.....as i'm walking back to my room with just me boxers on Pat Nevin appears and starts shouting whats all the fucking noise lads im trying to sleep in here.....he realises its me and starts having a go, i just walk past him with my big hard on and i swear he's staring at it so i cover it up with my hands and head back in the door........he follows me and puts his foot in the door like the smallest bailiff in Britain.......

 

[Hurrikeen]

*clicks "watch thread"*

 

[johnnytodd]

.cont'd.............He is trying to get me to answer him and i'm just ignoring him, i liked him as a player but i couldn't bring myself to argue with him so force the door shut and say go to bed Pat ffs.......so Anna is now on the phone ringing whoever to say she is going to be away til Sunday and the mood drops alongside the viagra effect........so we get some kip.

About 10 or 11 we get up and go across the square to some cafe.........i feel fresh as a daisy but she is rough, don't know why but i like women when they have a hang over i just wanted to go back the hotel..........we walk round the town for a few hours and meet loads of blues still hanging around waiting to go home, we spot the landlord from the pub and he he is taking the piss out of me with pics on his phone of me smashed the night before............so we get some scran and Anna asks me to go to hers for the next couple of days on our own........bearing in mind we were all here in my car i said yes without thinking.............we get back to hotel and they are on the ale again and we discuss our options, Beano offers to take my car home and drop it at me dads if i wanted to go Holland for a few days...........i book off work til wednesday so there is now no rush for me to go home , so that evening me and Anna go for a scran and then go the pub we were in last night it's now friday night and a few on the locals spot me and come over and we get chatting...........

 

[Leo]

.cont'd.............He is trying to get me to answer him and i'm just ignoring him, i liked him as a player but i couldn't bring myself to argue with him so force the door shut and say go to bed Pat ffs.......so Anna is now on the phone ringing whoever to say she is going to be away til Sunday and the mood drops alongside the viagra effect........so we get some kip.

About 10 or 11 we get up and go across the square to some cafe.........i feel fresh as a daisy but she is rough, don't know why but i like women when they have a hang over i just wanted to go back the hotel..........we walk round the town for a few hours and meet loads of blues still hanging around waiting to go home, we spot the landlord from the pub and he he is taking the piss out of me with pics on his phone of me smashed the night before............so we get some scran and Anna asks me to go to hers for the next couple of days on our own........bearing in mind we were all here in my car i said yes without thinking.............we get back to hotel and they are on the ale again and we discuss our options, Beano offers to take my car home and drop it at me dads if i wanted to go Holland for a few days...........i book off work til wednesday so there is now no rush for me to go home , so that evening me and Anna go for a scran and then go the pub we were in last night it's now friday night and a few on the locals spot me and come over and we get chatting...........

.

 

[Smudge]

Still one of my favourite moments from about 10 years ago. We'd lost at Middlesbrough and stopped at the services somewhere in North Yorkshire on the way back. Got there to find a few Everton coaches had stopped at the same place, so inside the place was absolutely heaving with Blues. Got some food,sat outside eating it, and spot a car full of Liverpool fans in brand new home shirts clearly on their way home from their 'home' game at Anfield. We watched them all walk in...10 seconds pass before you hear 'you're not from Liverpool' roar out from inside the services. 2 seconds later, said Kopites walk straight back out and head back to the car!

 

[AFCB_Mark]

If you haven't been part of a Police escort through the streets of Aldershot to / from Aldershot train station and The Rec, whilst the locals gather on street corners giving you w*nker and throat slit gestures....you haven't lived.

Best away day of all time has to be Charlton last day of the season a couple years ago when we won the Championship in the dying minutes, having already been promoted to the PL earlier in the week. Getting on a train before 7am and finding everyone was already half cut, you know it's going to be an interesting day.

Memories of the poor pub near Victoria station who folks coordinated to visit, who had no idea to expect us. Waiting times at the bar so long people were just going to tesco down the road and bringing in bottles of vodka and tinnies and dishing them out. Wondering around London in a bit of a daze with more Cherries than I'd ever seen away before. Getting into The Valley with a packed out away end and Bournemouth in both the near sides of the home stands, being picked out and moved there by stewards.

I kinda regret drinking quite so much, whilst I'll always remember and treasure the match itself, the 3 goals and news of the late turnaround in Watford's game gifting us the title, the aftermath is a total blank. Something about drinking on the South Bank between Blackfriars and Waterloo and then staggering around Bournemouth at some point later.

A day quite like that will probably never happen again for us.

 

[Camborne Gills]

I thumbed it most of the way from Truro to Wrexham on the last day of the 99/00 season (lost 0-1). I made it back to Cornwall on Monday afternoon, having phoned in 'sick'.

 

[johnnytodd]

contd..........so for the next couple of hours we're talking football mainly about how shit England are and the Germans are taking the piss. They realize i don't care about the national side and it switches to ' who the fuck are Everton' so i educate them in all things Everton and by midnight we are all singing ' kopites are gobshites ' with that German twang..........Germans are quiet nice people when you get to know them but i wanted a piece of my Dutch bird and was worried she might bin me for one of these foreigners who could talk to her in her own language and might be sniffing in there.....but alas Anna only wanted me and slither off back to hotel.......we remarkably just fall to sleep and wake up in each others arms to the sound of ' ouskeeping ' we get dressed and check out and head to the station, we take some photos on the way to remember our time in the fatherland and she offers to pay for the tickets, it wasnt that expensive to be fair so i paid in the end lolz............it takes all afternoon to get back to a little village call St Michaels nr Den Bosch and we go into her house.......it was your typical dutch house all neat and tidy with pictures of animals everywhere , she was a vet..........so i'm trying to find the goals from the match on dutch TV when theres a knock on the door, Anna's in the shower and so i answer the door, fuck me this fella was about 8ft tall and as wide, he starts talking all dutch and im shitting it he then starts laughing and said its ok mate i know who you are im Anna's brother and im only checking to see if she's ok........

 

[johnnytodd]

CONTD...so Hammy is Anna's brother he used to live in England for a few years and speaks good English like her....... he's one massive fella and i find out he's a bit of lad and we hit it off he asks us round to his house for a scran that night and i say ok and he fucks off.......Anna comes down the stairs like Bo Derek all her hairs dripping and i'm wanting to rattle her again but she must be sick of cock so i let her dry off and i just smooth talk her for a few hours.........we actually have loads is common , both highly educated and good looking and we tell each other what and how out lives thus far have been like......we are falling for each other i can tell and this is no football trip romance..........so we go round to her brothers and have a great night, his wife was boss too fit as fuck and a right flert but i had eyes for Anna only and we alk back to hers hand in hand.........i'm sure some of you are in tears reading this as it is a proper love story but be prepared it could get worse.......