Oh er can someone tell me this is a dream? We are a totally shambles/ Each England player should just go walk round wellington with their trousers down. They have been completed taught a lesson by NZ.
The Scotland game is huge. Play Wank and Moores has to go?!
Moores: 'ok lads, we want to start well. Bell. Ali. Want you to watch that new ball. Don't play any silly shots. Remember we've got to build an innings. Ball's gonna be swinging around out there.'
Bell: 'ermmmm'
Moores: 'try to get to about 50 in 15 ish overs. We're in the game then. Now stick your whites on and get ready to play'
Ali: 'boss, this isn't 1993'
Moores: '..........'
2nd innings
Moores: 'ok so it didn't go too well. We were all out for 123, but that red ball was swinging all over the place. We're still in this game. Broad. Anderson. I want you bowling line and length. Corridor of uncertainty. Those NZ openers will be hesitant and prodding at everything. We can still do this'
Anderson: 'do you know McCullum is opening?'
Moores: 'nonsense he's the wicketkeeper. Wicketkeepers bat at 7. No the big wicket is Martin Crowe at 4. Bowl steady line and length until these NZ openers get them out, then make sure you don't pitch anything up to Crowe at 4'
Broad: 'eeerrrm Martin Crowe retired 20 years ago'
Moores: '...........'
End of game
Moores: 'Don't worry lads, we've got Sri Lanka coming up in a few weeks, they've only just started playing cricket them lot. We'll beat em easy'
No words really. The only thing I can 'pull' from the tournament so far, is the fact we've played the 2 favourites in our opening games. Dire. Rudderless. Clueless. Shambolic. Pathetic. Fine them and send them all home.
McCullum was on 48 before he actually middled anything. It's all in the intent, the boundaries were 60m square of the wicket ffs, top edge were clearing the rope by a good 10m. It's getting bizarre now. Last night you had Botham, Carberry, Nasser, Gower, Bumble and Atherton all at some point mention the negative mentality and the lack of big hitters in the top 5. That's an influential bunch on the whole so why are they never listened to? They said to drop Cook ages before it happened also. If Warne, Ponting and Waugh all said the same thing then the Aussies would think 'hmm, maybe they've got a point' - we instead just have clowns running the show. Moores might as well go now, he wasn't the right man before and he still isn't now - and Downton is purely a massive twatbasket.
Most other countries have their ODI teams aligned with their T20 sides yet ours more resembles the Test team. I simply can't see how no-one notices or looks at the successful nations and doesn't see how differently they do things.
Because we are the home of cricket and we set trends, we don't follow. The ECB refuse to use other countries as examples. Bunch of fucking useless c***.
I still think some of our premier one day batsmen still have the scars left from the Flower reign. Build a total, scrap what you can, on the whole be absolutely as negative as possible in order to get the job done against the average sides and hope we do enough to put the better teams off and chance our luck. With the way the entire cricket mindset has moved more towards the Aussie model in the last 2-3 years and in particular the last 18 motnhs - we have been left behind and look woefully out of depth in all departments.
From the one paced, one dimensional bowling attack to uninspiring field settings and frankly power lacking, rudderless batting...we are a complete mess.
You could write a dossier on their issues. Look at Ballance, he bats 5 for Yorkshire in limited overs doesn't he? Yet because he does well in the longer format, they fast-track him into being an ODI Number 3 as well.
That's what happens when you replace your out of form captain just before the tournament and replace him with someone who is even more out of form but has a good reputation.
Bell. Yes
Ali. never scores enough runs,bowling not good enough NO
Ballance. What the hell(test player). Definitely NO
Root Yes
Morgan. Shouldn't be there let alone be captain NO. Reputation only
Taylor. Yes
Buttler. Far too erratic..Probably yes
Woakes. Australia proved he isn't good enough NO
Broad. Always has to bowl short.......Why ? NO. Reputation only
Anderson. Not a one day player.NO. Reputation only
Finn. Has one good game in 10. NO
Who do replace them with Hales,Bopara(out of form with the bat but coming in at 7 has never helped but has to bowl),Tredwell( no idea why he isn't playing ,different class to Ali ) and we have no bowling cover so the short pitched rubbish
will continue.After this tournament we will call for a rethink but it won't make any difference it never has we are too stuck in our ways
The ecb brought forward an ashes series in order to prepare for the World Cup . We were supposed to be the best prepared side that had ever been sent to a tournament but tbh England's tactical plan appears to have been scribbled on the back of a fag packet during a couple of pints at the airport. The New Zealand non performance has to rank as one of , if not the most embarrassing effort of any england team in any sport .
England winning the World Cup was beyond any of our wildest dreams, and regardless of all the positive talk from within the camp, anyone who knows cricket knew it would be almost impossible for England to win this tournament. However, it was perfectly reasonable to expect the England team to put up a decent fight and give teams a run for their money.
What worries me greatly about out performances so far is that they suggest much bigger problems than a couple of players being out of form. Tactically our play makes no sense. In fact, from the outside it looks like we're actively trying to self-sabotage!
Batsmen coming in after a couple of quick wickets looking to be aggressive from ball one is just madness. I understand the need for quick runs in ODI cricket, but if wickets are tumbling the first priority has to be to stop the rot.
Equally, we have bowlers [very experienced bowlers] who seem insistent on sticking to bowling plans that clearly aren't working. It's no good taking a spanking and then after the game deciding to review the bowling plans - try reviewing them in the middle of the game as we're being smashed out of every corner of the ground.
As a side we are far too reactive and never show signs of being proactive. Then again that's the story of the entire ECB. As a cricketing nation we seem to be two years behind everyone else.