What is your most awkward moment with the opposite sex

Mr Elmo

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My first ever girlfriend. My mate decided it would be funny to call her up and ask her out for me... I broke it off three days later.

Her best mate (I knew them two because a mate tried to set me up on MSN with the best mate. They were both stereotypical chavs, I'm talking Vicky Pollard here) text me something like "you dumped her cos shes fat and ugly innit. Id do the same!" which made it ten times more awkward.

My actual excuse was that I was confused about my sexuality.

It was awkward as fuck.
 

Vanni

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So this girl started to undress me but then stopped suddenly after unzipping my jeans and ran away as fast as she could. I couldn't for the life of me think of the reason why she did this, although the thought that I hadn't showered for two weeks was uppermost in my mind. Then it struck me! I didn't have a clean pair of boxers that night so had to resort to wearing my sister's panties.
 

UTS

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Got bloody loads
 

Stevencc

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I once brought a right sexy female home. Big breasts and everything. Anyway, we went over to my computer to search through my iTunes library for some Barry White. I told her a 10/10 joke, had her laughing, and then flicked on the monitor in a cool way kind of like James Bond would probably do. I had forgotten to close Chrome after my last browsing session and TFF was on the screen. No big deal, I thought. I turned round to see how my big breasted lady friend was doing and there was a look of pure horror on her face. A bit of disgust was mixed in there too. I turned back to the monitor and noticed the post that was on the screen. It was that one where wheyyyyy told the story of the dream/nightmare where he was a girl and some nasty boy had exposed his/her breasts. I lowered my gaze by about 3 inches and noticed "you like this" plastered below the aforementioned post. I turned round to explain but she was gone.
 

UTS

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HAHAHAH what the fuck was that dream
 

blade1889

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The first kiss, her first kiss too. Was like being slapped by a very wet chicken thigh back and forth.
 

Pliny Harris

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I once brought a right sexy female home. Big breasts and everything. Anyway, we went over to my computer to search through my iTunes library for some Barry White. I told her a 10/10 joke, had her laughing, and then flicked on the monitor in a cool way kind of like James Bond would probably do. I had forgotten to close Chrome after my last browsing session and TFF was on the screen. No big deal, I thought. I turned round to see how my big breasted lady friend was doing and there was a look of pure horror on her face. A bit of disgust was mixed in there too. I turned back to the monitor and noticed the post that was on the screen. It was that one where wheyyyyy told the story of the dream/nightmare where he was a girl and some nasty boy had exposed his/her breasts. I lowered my gaze by about 3 inches and noticed "you like this" plastered below the aforementioned post. I turned round to explain but she was gone.

But who originally posted the 10/10 joke on the joke thread?
 

UTS

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Basically getting catfished this summer was pretty embarrassing. She looked about a 9 on photos but she was about a 5 in real life. She was like well fatter than I thought she would be lol, oh well that's tinder for you. Still did the deed Cba trekking all that way for fuck all. We'd been talking for ages too was pretty awks really but not arsed
 

StagsForLife

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Basically getting catfished this summer was pretty embarrassing. She looked about a 9 on photos but she was about a 5 in real life. She was like well fatter than I thought she would be lol, oh well that's tinder for you. Still did the deed Cba trekking all that way for fuck all. We'd been talking for ages too was pretty awks really but not arsed
Emma and her cold feet was so 2015 mate, get over it.
 

Renegade

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Hooked up with a girl and when the bar closed we were looking for an after-party. One of my (sort of) mates said he was having one and gave me the directions to a car park near his house. Taxi arrives at said car park and there are a few vehicles there, bouncing up and down. Taxi driver informs us this is a well known dogging spot. Girl screams, I apologise profusely and that was the end of her! Very awkward journey home.
 

claret50

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Many, many years ago my wife and I both worked in the City and had decided to meet up at Liverpool Street station one evening so we could get the train home together, she'd got there before me and when I walked in I saw her standing with her back to me, so to surprise her I went over and kissed her on the neck and gave her a loving squeeze around her waist, suddenly this complete stranger turned around, she gave me a smile and walked off, it was then that I saw my wife who was just a few yards away and had seen everything, but fair do's to the missus as all she said was "did you enjoy that" - it was a very quiet train journey back to Ilford.
 

sl1k

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Basically getting catfished this summer was pretty embarrassing. She looked about a 9 on photos but she was about a 5 in real life. She was like well fatter than I thought she would be lol, oh well that's tinder for you. Still did the deed Cba trekking all that way for fuck all. We'd been talking for ages too was pretty awks really but not arsed

Had a very similar experience, though it was a long time ago. I was like in year 10 or 11 and it was all about hi5 or face-pic (or saink like that) them days. So I'd been chatting to this dirty one, she was a 7 max on the pictures but her willingness to do the bizz and having the place to do it (parents house) made her a straight 9. So me and my mate (I hooked him up a friend) jumped on the train to fucking COLCHESTER. Yeah I've been about.

So we get there, beautiful day and that. Short skirts everywhere. Give my chick a ring, she's like 5 minutes. Cool, light a couple fags. Then they arrive...And inside I'm like fuck my life :ffs: She had exceptional photo taking skills cos she was defo bigger than the pictures would have you believe. Not only that, but her mate was looking nice!! After the awkward pleasantries we headed into the town centre and met more of her mates. Basically, I got the short straw. But fuck it, I didn't make that 60 odd mile trip for nothing so after some pizza we headed to hers, said hello to her very nice parents and chavvi brother then proceeded to do the deed.

There were some positives from it though. The mate that I took was a bit of a pussy at the time so down the line I developed a friends with benefits relationship with the chick that entertained him and a brief fling with one of the mates I met in the town cente. Good times. After things with the missus got serious (college days) she literally took over my social media and wiped my phone clean of such contacts :(
 
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Magic

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Once nearly bumped into a girl on the pavement, then we kept moving in the same direction to let each other pass. Was so funny.
 

Posh Hammer

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Had a nosebleed all over my ex's face during sex once, she thought I was just sweating a lot.

And with the same ex, my hot rod exploded. Cut a long story short, I was a little worse for wear after a party, and sex got pretty long winded due to the alcohol. Her flaps got all dry as I clearly wasn't exciting her, and I went for one final shove of the sausage. It hit one of the dry flaps at a such a speed and angle that a blood blister appeared instantaneously, covering an entire half of the old helmet. It was excruciating.

I was around 18 at the time and was working at Pizza Express as a waiter. About 2 weeks after the blood blister appeared, I was serving a family and I knocked the old boy on the table whilst reaching over to put a pizza in front of one of them and it fucking exploded. My life flashed before my eyes and I had to run to the toilet to tend to the poor little fucker. I was bleeding out.
 

blade1889

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For your sake I hope the blister was far bigger than any blister I've had
 

KevinMcallister

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when I went down on a girl and she sprayed blood all over my face and I first thought it was cum until she seen me and said "tomato face"

traumatised for life :(
 
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Was about 16 or 17, me and a couple of mates were sat in my bedroom playing Halo on the original Xbox
One mate, James who was a bit of a lad got a call from a female who he went to college with. Said she was home alone and up for a laugh. She heard us in the background and asked to speak to us, had a quick chinwag and ascertained she wanted the D.
She lived in a village a couple of miles from my house, so we had to leg it across the countryside in the middle of the night trying to down a couple of bottles of Scrumpy Jack to try and catch up to her tipsy state (only 2 of us, our other mate chickened out). We got there, she opens the door, I'd mark her up at a 6 or 7, punky, my type. Though I think the Scrumpy Jack marked her up a few.
So there we were sat in her lounge, we're chatting away and she randomly sticks a porno on. From what I remember it was okay, nothing to write home about. She wips her top off and we get down to business. Was okay, actually brilliant for me as I'd just got out of a longish relationship so I was going for it.
aaaaaaanyway, after an hour or so of trying to avoid mid sex eye contact with my friend James (We did high five at one point, which makes me cringe to this day) He stays in her room for the night and I kip in her little brothers room which isn't weird or groomy as it was a free house remember? Wake up in the morning, and this random fella walks past, I'm like "Alright bud?", he just grunts and walks downstairs and slams the front door. Turns out he was her older brother, he'd come home in the early hours to the porno on the main menu loop, and used rubbers all over the place.
It wasn't that awkward really, just wanted to impress you guys with my nohomo teen sex story. Just to note, a threesome with another dude isn't remotely gay unless you touch pinkys, which didn't happen I swear.
 

T.A

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Anytime I come in to contact with a girl it's awkward.. I'm just that guy.
 
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