The shit strikers thread

[Leewilson]

Has pre-season optimism taken a turn for the worse after your manager foolishly thought their new striker was the club's saviour?

Did you splash out on Shamir Mullings? Or maybe it was Harry Panayiotou? Has your gaffer had a case of the 'Quigleys', be it Joe or Scott? Perhaps an opening day goal from someone like Jake Cassidy has blinded you to this striker's ineptitude - don't say we didn't warn you!

This thread is to celebrate the shiteness of those strikers who make football look like a possible career for us mere mortals.

Please post your best memories, clips and general funnies of those strikers who just aren't very good.

I personally look forward to updating this thread on a weekly basis with a dose of Joe Quigley. Below is your first instalment.

 

[East Bank Shot]

Got a feeling there will be quite a few Shots fans spending a lot of time in this thread...

 

[Leewilson]

Picture the scene...

You're 1-0 down at home to Woking on the opening day of the season. Moussa Diarra, Manny Parry and several other giants are blundering around the pitch heading and kicking every moving object in sight. Your manager decides that long ball is therefore a good option... The game is scrappy, there are no chances, but SUDDENLY....your one player with a semblance of ability, Angelo Balanta, picks up the ball. He whips in a great low cross to the onrushing JOE QUIGLEY. He's six yards out and unmarked. All the fans are waiting for the net to ripple. We're back in the game. It's 1-1. We've scored. We've.....We've.....We've been fucking Quigley-ed!!!!

5:30 below

 

[springerbfc]

Ha why didn't he side foot it?

Not the worst miss you'll ever see but still, got to hit the target from there.

 

[iesty wfc]

Quigley had so much promise in 2015... (goal around 2.50)

 

[MWS]

Jake Cassidy played very well against us on Saturday! Won a lot in the air and held up the ball often by himself.

Seems we played Maidenhead at the wrong time!

 

[Master D]

Thread needs more Kyle Perry.

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

Nathan Tyson. Past it 3 years ago.

 

[Soup Ladle]

Jake Cassidy played very well against us on Saturday! Won a lot in the air and held up the ball often by himself.

Seems we played Maidenhead at the wrong time!

That must be his first meaningful contribution in at least 3 years then.

 

[Raymondo316]

I've only seen him play 3 times but I already know I'm not gonna be a fan of Jonny Edwards. The bloke seems to run around a lot but never looks like actually scoring.

 

[AJS]

I've only seen him play 3 times but I already know I'm not gonna be a fan of Jonny Edwards. The bloke seems to run around a lot but never looks like actually scoring.

I did warn you. Seems a nice lad and tries hard but finds himself offside or is too passive in front of goal. How we got a fee for him I'll never know.

 

[Chief Rocka]

That must be his first meaningful contribution in at least 3 years then.

You know the pea heart is gonna have the game of his life on Saturday.

 

[Monkey Tennis]

We have a Quigley and a Byron Harrison. There's some hope that Harrison will be able to pull himself out of this thread, but I'm not convinced.

Panayiotou is shit, and Inih Effiong would probably be worthy of a mention.

 

[Luke Imp]

Did Wrexham have Kevin Gall when they were down here? He'll have probably made it onto their list. Probably not the worst striker they'll have ever had but all he did was run around like a headless chicken.

He was like a dog chasing a crisp packet in the wind.

 

[Valeite]

It strikes me that we have had 3 of the above mentioned, at the Vale. Perry, Scott Quigley and Kevin Gall have about 50 appearances between them for us without troubling the net.

 

[Master D]

Did Wrexham have Kevin Gall when they were down here? He'll have probably made it onto their list. Probably not the worst striker they'll have ever had but all he did was run around like a headless chicken.

He was like a dog chasing a crisp packet in the wind.

We did but I'd literally forgotten he existed until you said.

Simon Brown is one of the worst we've had down here I would say, in our very first season, ex Mansfield striker. Absolute dirt he was.

 

[DontBringBertie]

Joe Quigley actually started off fairly well for us when he was on loan but lost his confidence soon after and ended up looking like a Sunday league player by the end of his spell. Much like on Saturday.

If you think his miss at the weekend was bad - have a look at Jayden Stockley’s for us against Wrexham (8:25 in). He’s turned out ok...

 

[Master D]

Joe Quigley is the undisputed one to beat in this thread. He's only 22 and has played for 8 different clubs at this level alone, not to mention clubs above and below here and as far as I'm aware he's been useless for every single one.

 

[Raymondo316]

You just need to look at some of the terrible forwards we had at National level to see why we struggled so much.

Liam Enver Marum
Tom Murphy
George Oakley
Delano Sam Yorke
Greg Luer
Darius Osei
Joe Quigley
Shamir Mullings
Jake Cassidy
Elliot Romain

Depressing to think that our then managers hyped up Cassidy, Mullings & Quigley to be ''big signings'' who would score us goals.

 

[Soup Ladle]

You know the pea heart is gonna have the game of his life on Saturday.

Nailed on fella

 

[EnglishRed]

We've had some rotten strikers. Mostly ones signed by Gary Mills.

Michael Bakare
Callum Powell
Khaellem Bailey Nicholls
Simon Ainge
Dele Adebola
Mark Beck
Joe Quigley
Ntumbu Massanka
John Cofie
Patrick Suffo
Lamine Sakho
Tyler Harvey

And I've been generous and not included some peoples. And others I've forgotten about. The above list counts for about 5 goals between them.

 

[MWS]

Last time we were in this division we signed an unknown striker called Adnan Cirak because he'd scored a few goals in some sort of 5 a side competition in Sweden.

He was absolutely useless, although he did score against Hartlepool!

 

[Chief Rocka]

He was absolutely useless, although he did score against Hartlepool!

How’d he manage that? This is only our third season down here and your first in a while?

 

[JaredSUFC]

We have a strikers curse at Sutton, most of the strikers, even the highly rated ones or ones with decent reputations tend to forget how to find the back of the net when they end up in SM1. Last season was special with Gimi Toure, Jonah Ayunga and Brett Williams all being duds (of course Ayunga and Toure scored against us at the first opportunity). Normally we have a good spread of goals across the squad but not last season.

 

[MWS]

How’d he manage that? This is only our third season down here and your first in a while?

Apologies it was Gateshead but the game was played at Victoria Park.

 

[iesty wfc]

We've had some rotten strikers. Mostly ones signed by Gary Mills.

Michael Bakare
Callum Powell
Khaellem Bailey Nicholls
Simon Ainge
Dele Adebola
Mark Beck
Joe Quigley
Ntumbu Massanka
John Cofie
Patrick Suffo
Lamine Sakho
Tyler Harvey

And I've been generous and not included some peoples. And others I've forgotten about. The above list counts for about 5 goals between them.

honourable mention to Sakho for bringing his Hummer over from France and driving it around Wrexham, and getting sent off for a great headbutt

you have of course though, missed off the best shit striker we have had in non league, and he was one of our own.... Obi Anuruo. it culminated in this amazing write up about him on Sky Sport Scout

https://www.skysports.com/football/news/15198/5423991/sky-sports-scout-obi-anoruo

 

[KHFC_Shaun]

Still baffles me how Emmanuel Dieseruvwe is getting a game for Salford.

 

[iesty wfc]

Still baffles me how Emmanuel Dieseruvwe is getting a game for Salford.

Colin Murray was singing his praises on Saturday on the football leagues show!

 

[EnglishRed]

honourable mention to Sakho for bringing his Hummer over from France and driving it around Wrexham, and getting sent off for a great headbutt

you have of course though, missed off the best shit striker we have had in non league, and he was one of our own.... Obi Anuruo. it culminated in this amazing write up about him on Sky Sport Scout

https://www.skysports.com/football/news/15198/5423991/sky-sports-scout-obi-anoruo

He just needs more time.

 

[MWS]

honourable mention to Sakho for bringing his Hummer over from France and driving it around Wrexham, and getting sent off for a great headbutt

you have of course though, missed off the best shit striker we have had in non league, and he was one of our own.... Obi Anuruo. it culminated in this amazing write up about him on Sky Sport Scout

https://www.skysports.com/football/news/15198/5423991/sky-sports-scout-obi-anoruo

Obi Anuruo was one of Jim Gannon's first signings when he returned to EP for his current spell as we were desperately lacking in goals. Anuruo was pretty decent in the NLN and had a good scoring record considering he was used as an impact player most of the time.