Stickied The Mental Health Thread.

Baz

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I utterly lost my temper with the boy this morning. I can accept he's got issues surrounding his behaviour etc but for over 2 years now he's been constantly helping himself to food and other things that aren't his. He's been sat down and talked to far too many times about what will happen if he continues to steal so was warned last time that if he stole again I would be taking him to the police station so they can explain to him in their terms about what happens when people steal.

This morning he helped himself to a total of 6 mince pies that I got the wife after her endoscopy yesterday as they're soft/easy swallow and she enjoys them. I found all the empty foil containers etc and lost it, started shouting at him about it, demanded he got dressed (by this point he had been told for 2 hours solid to get dressed) and was almost out the door when he melted down about being scared etc.

I know i'll be deemed at a horrible parent etc but for over 2 years we've been going through this and his attitude is we should lock him in his bedroom and not buy anything nice so he wont steal it. Now we aren't doing either of those, and the threat of the police isn't a scare tactic either as he needs to understand that stealing is unacceptable wherever it happens.

The local PSCO has been emailed asking for advice, or surgeries or something we can take him to so he can understand the consequences but I am losing control of my own mental health and i'm not sure how much I can take before I crack sigh. Sorry for the rant, label me a bad parent or whatever but needed to get it off my chest.
 

Abertawe

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Find an amateur boxing club and challenge him to a bet that he won't last a month training or going to classes. Boxing instills discipline, self worth and the importance of hard work. It sounds very clichéd but it's an awesome outlet for unruly youngsters.
 

Baz

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Find an amateur boxing club and challenge him to a bet that he won't last a month training or going to classes. Boxing instills discipline, self worth and the importance of hard work. It sounds very clichéd but it's an awesome outlet for unruly youngsters.

Was thinking something like that or a martial arts class as there are a few local to us. The boy currently wants the rewards without putting in the effort. We take the two older kids to park run each week. His sister is thriving and doing very well and has earned PB's and certificates for amounts of completed runs, whilst he just walks it yet expects the PB's and certificates etc. I'm sure that's just and 8 year old hormonal age thing though.
 

sl1k

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Baz Don't be silly mate, kids are challenging to raise as is without adding the burden of "am I being a bad parent". There's no manual to this, we all do and learn as we go and from time to time we yell or use the threat of punishment to confront a persistent behavioural issue. You're certainly dealing with it alot better than I imagine myself to.

I think that trip to the police station or a chat with a local PCSO may do some good, things are easier to dismiss particularly for children when they can't see, touch or experience what you're explaining but when speaking to someone of perceived authority it may help instil the message you're trying to get across.

Abertawe has also made a great suggestion. In day to day family life, it can be like a pressure cooker at times as we all have good days and bad days and it's the same for children. Boxing or martial arts can help him give him that release and over time teach him how to focus and dicipline his energy. Not to mention he'll be meeting other kids who he can share the interest with.
 

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P0BMOoS.jpg


Cant believe that we still allow politicians to pick and choose debates. Especially something so clearly important as MH.
 

Aber gas

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I utterly lost my temper with the boy this morning. I can accept he's got issues surrounding his behaviour etc but for over 2 years now he's been constantly helping himself to food and other things that aren't his. He's been sat down and talked to far too many times about what will happen if he continues to steal so was warned last time that if he stole again I would be taking him to the police station so they can explain to him in their terms about what happens when people steal.

This morning he helped himself to a total of 6 mince pies that I got the wife after her endoscopy yesterday as they're soft/easy swallow and she enjoys them. I found all the empty foil containers etc and lost it, started shouting at him about it, demanded he got dressed (by this point he had been told for 2 hours solid to get dressed) and was almost out the door when he melted down about being scared etc.

I know i'll be deemed at a horrible parent etc but for over 2 years we've been going through this and his attitude is we should lock him in his bedroom and not buy anything nice so he wont steal it. Now we aren't doing either of those, and the threat of the police isn't a scare tactic either as he needs to understand that stealing is unacceptable wherever it happens.

The local PSCO has been emailed asking for advice, or surgeries or something we can take him to so he can understand the consequences but I am losing control of my own mental health and i'm not sure how much I can take before I crack sigh. Sorry for the rant, label me a bad parent or whatever but needed to get it off my chest.
I'm just going to echo other posters, but give yourself a break. Raising kids is fucking hard and I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job at a difficult time. I've got kids and I hav'nt got a clue if I'm doing the right thing half the time. There's some great advice already from aber and sl1k so all I'll say is please don't blame yourself and beat yourself up about a situation that from the outside you seem to be dealing with well.
 
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IanH

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I'm not going to spam the forum but this caught my eye and I have read through the thread with great interest. Here is the link to my latest blog which is even more relavent after reading this.

https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/its-coming/

I'll be honest in that I've never had too much to do with mental health problems myself, but I do have two thoughts from the little I've read from you:
1) Maybe it wasn't the sport of football that caused you to be depressed. You need to let that go.
2) If you've read thru this thread with so much interest, why have you only 'plugged' your blog instead of offering your opinion and help to others?
 

Baz

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I'm not going to spam the forum but this caught my eye and I have read through the thread with great interest. Here is the link to my latest blog which is even more relavent after reading this.

https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/its-coming/
Maybe knowing there's a few of us here that have been/are going through similar situations you'll be able to open up and take some ideas on board that will help you too?

I'm feeling much calmer today. The boy child is relatively calm and I have emailed a few off the links provided to me above so many thanks for all that people, much appreciated. On the flip side my parents were here yesterday and they got to witness first hand a meltdown so hopefully they'll realise just how bad it gets for us now too.
 

Baz

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Been told we've been referred to the council's family support team regarding the boy child. Unofficially i've been using their support for months already but this referral was supposed to have gone in 2/3 months ago, joys of the system and red tape bollocks right?
 

Baz

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The boy has seemingly gone to a different level of stupidity now. He's stealing the food but instead of eating it he's throwing it away. I just don't what's going on in his head to take something then to just throw it away.

Also we've decided to start using visual aids as a way to get him to have something to see what he needs to be doing each day. We're on day 5 of this now and it's only been today he failed to clear everything off his to do list. His to do list is just little things like putting dirty laundry in the washing basket, putting his shoes away, eating his food without issue, putting clean clothes away, having his 30 minutes quiet time before lights out etc nothing major and nothing we don't expect the other two kids to do.

Small steps but yeah that's the latest. How are the rest of you doing this time of year?
 

Aber gas

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The boy has seemingly gone to a different level of stupidity now. He's stealing the food but instead of eating it he's throwing it away. I just don't what's going on in his head to take something then to just throw it away.

Also we've decided to start using visual aids as a way to get him to have something to see what he needs to be doing each day. We're on day 5 of this now and it's only been today he failed to clear everything off his to do list. His to do list is just little things like putting dirty laundry in the washing basket, putting his shoes away, eating his food without issue, putting clean clothes away, having his 30 minutes quiet time before lights out etc nothing major and nothing we don't expect the other two kids to do.

Small steps but yeah that's the latest. How are the rest of you doing this time of year?
I'm pleased it's getting a bit easier for the lad baz.sounds like your getting some progress. I'm struggling a bit but not as much as I thought I would without medication. This is always a sketchy time of year for me ( as it is for a lot of people) and I was a bit scared I might withdraw completely but I seem to be keeping my focus work wise and not fucking up with my family and friends. I've still got this sense of doom though, I'm watching and checking myself in every situation for signs of it going tits up. Tbh baz I want to run back to medication daily but then I think what a fucking waste . If I can't cope with the normal stresses and problems that occur this time of year then I might as well just accept a life of mind numbing medication.
 
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Baz

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I'm pleased it's getting a bit easier for the lad baz.sounds like your getting some progress. I'm struggling a bit but not as much as I thought I would without medication. This is always a sketchy time of year for me ( as it is for a lot of people) and I was a bit scared I might withdraw completely but I seem to be keeping my focus work wise and not fucking up with my family and friends. I've still got this sense of doom though, I'm watching and checking myself in every situation for signs of it going tits up. Tbh baz I want to run back to medication daily but then I think what a fucking waste . If I can't cope with the normal stresses and problems that occur this time of year then I might as well just accept a life of mind numbing medication.

It takes a while for your body to re-adjust after the meds anyway, and as you say this time of year is naturally more stressful anyway so I wouldn't be too worried about it. It sounds like you just need a few days of down time to make things a bit easier, oh and do things you enjoy remember to do that.
 

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How have you bitches done over the Christmas period?
 

Baz

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That Merse thing was pretty good. Glad he's got it under control now though.

I just lost my temper with the boy child who stole his sisters phone (which she's only allowed to use on rare occasions as she's only 10 in March) hid it all afternoon with a charger he stole from my bedroom then proceeded to download shit loads of games oh and send his uncle messages on whatsapp only to deny he took it what a sodding idiot he is.

He's 8 and has been stealing for a good 24 months now I am at the end of my tether now and told him tomorrow he's going to the police station as he doesn't listen to anyone about his stealing and he needs to learn somehow. We have spoken to the PCSO's about it and they suggest a meeting with him to explain it all from the authority point of view so I think it has to be done sadly or he'll end up in deep shit if he carries on the way he's going.
 

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Have you tried ignoring it? I know it's hard but maybe by reacting in this way its giving him what he wants. Sometimes with behaviour if you ignore it they get bored and eventually stop.
 

Baz

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Have you tried ignoring it? I know it's hard but maybe by reacting in this way its giving him what he wants. Sometimes with behaviour if you ignore it they get bored and eventually stop.

It's hard to ignore something that big though. We ignore the little things like the shouting, screaming, temper tantrums over being unable to do whatever he's trying to do, but violence and stealing are two we do not overlook as he has siblings and our house rules are no violence and no stealing. As it's been going on for so long now we are worried for his future as he's started to steal from grandparents houses too so it's not confined just to our house.
 

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I think I am starting to become depressed.
 
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Dr Mantis Toboggan

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the awards were just a bit of fun, lib, u shouldn't take them too seriously. might be worth talking to a doctor though. in my experience talking to someone, be it a therapist, a doctor or a good friend, is far better than medication
 

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I'm starting to feel like its a false alarm. I've had some signs earlier this week. I didn't want to get out of bed and had no appetite, but its probably more boredom if anything because my happiness is too strong. I am very stressed due to reasons I've stated in the shoutbox still but depressed is not the right term.
 

Baz

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Stress could easily lead to similar signs and symptoms. Perhaps when you de-stress you're symptoms may well ease. If they don't then it could be something more than you believe.
 

Baz

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Today is #timetotalk day and probably now more than I have done in the past I need to talk as I am really struggling with my mental health. Things aren't getting any easier with the boy. His behaviour is rubbing off on his sisters so they're getting worse. I'm neglecting my MH as i'm concentrating my efforts on him so it's a viscous circle at the moment. I am down, I am low and i'm getting little enjoyment out of things despite the 'brave face' that's why my participation here has dropped too sigh.

Hope the rest of you aren't doing badly though :)
 

TractorBoys

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Mental Health week on BBC, cracking followup documentary to Stephen Frys take on Manic Depression last night.
 
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Today is #timetotalk day and probably now more than I have done in the past I need to talk as I am really struggling with my mental health. Things aren't getting any easier with the boy. His behaviour is rubbing off on his sisters so they're getting worse. I'm neglecting my MH as i'm concentrating my efforts on him so it's a viscous circle at the moment. I am down, I am low and i'm getting little enjoyment out of things despite the 'brave face' that's why my participation here has dropped too sigh.

Hope the rest of you aren't doing badly though :)

Has it got any better Baz?
 

Baz

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Has it got any better Baz?

Not really. This week alone the boy has tipped a quarter of a bottle of calpol down the sink, stolen a packet of 8 kit kats from my mothers house and ate them all, written all over a carpet and stolen his mothers chocolate especially brought for her, so if anything with it being half term he's gotten a lot worse.

We've been told Ed Psych are doing their report after half term so that'll help and we've been linked to something called PDA (http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-PDA/about-pda) we've done a test and his numbers add up to say it's possible he's got this as he ticks pretty much all the boxes, however with all diagnoses we need it confirmed by the specialists.

As for my MH yeah same old, not worse, not better but dealing with so much it's to be expected I suppose.
 

T.A

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Not really. This week alone the boy has tipped a quarter of a bottle of calpol down the sink, stolen a packet of 8 kit kats from my mothers house and ate them all, written all over a carpet and stolen his mothers chocolate especially brought for her, so if anything with it being half term he's gotten a lot worse.

We've been told Ed Psych are doing their report after half term so that'll help and we've been linked to something called PDA (http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-PDA/about-pda) we've done a test and his numbers add up to say it's possible he's got this as he ticks pretty much all the boxes, however with all diagnoses we need it confirmed by the specialists.

As for my MH yeah same old, not worse, not better but dealing with so much it's to be expected I suppose.

At least something is getting done no matter how slow the process is. Hope it all gets better for you and your son.

Feel free to vent on here if you feel it helps.
 

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