The Joke thread

Pliny Harris

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For as long as I remember I've had a phobia of the Gibb brothers. They've always given me the heebie Bee Gees.
 

Gilly?

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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Qatari, an Indian, a Laotian and a Ghanaian went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in with a Thai."
 

Krazy8

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The back of his anorak was leaping up and down and people were chucking money to him.
I said: “Do you earn a living doing that?”
He said: “Yes, this is my livelihood.”
 

TomPNE94

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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Qatari, an Indian, a Laotian and a Ghanaian went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in with a Thai."
Shouldn't this say without? It confused me for ages haha
 

blade1889

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I'm not sure how many problems I have cos Maths is on of them.
 

Pliny Harris

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What do you call a racist poet?

e e edl cummings
 
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Luke Imp

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Someone saw that on Twitter this morning!
 

Luke Imp

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Jokes about German sausage are wurst.
 

Pliny Harris

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Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door this morning. I answered it and they said, "We're here to talk to you about Jesus." I replied, "Oh no, what's he done now?"
 

GasMan

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A man walked into a bar. Ouch
 

Luke Imp

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When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 

les.gtfc

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My Champion racing snail hasn't been winning many races recently so I decided to take off his shell to help with his weight and aerodynamics.

Unfortunately it doesn't seem to have worked. If anything it's just made him more sluggish.
 

TomPNE94

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I lost my watch at a party. Whilst looking for it I saw a man, who was sexually harassing a woman, had stood on it, so I went up to him and punched him in the face.

No-one does that to a woman… not on my watch.




EDIT: Fixed the grammar for blade1889 ;)
 
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